Jay and the Family Hex By Betty Freedson, LCSW, LICSW, CGP
The Milton H. Erickson Foundation Newletter Case Report Vol. 40 #3
Jay and the Family Hex
By Betty Freedson, LCSW, LICSW, CGP
Jay was tormented. He wanted to separate from his wife and move several states away to be closer to the woman he loved. But Jay believed that if he made this move, he would be doomed and forever cursed.
As we explored Jay’s history, it became apparent that he was living under negative trance with shame-filled family proscriptions, a “spell,” consensually deter- mined by family members that involved rigid mind-sets and mores about how family members must live. Jay explained to me that when he impulsively married and moved to where he presently lived, he had been warned: “You will be sorry!”
However, “sorry” was nebulous, and Jay began filling in ambiguous blanks with the erroneous belief that since he was unhappy in his marriage, his family must have been right. Jay was in the grip of self-denigration and immobilization. And it seemed to him that another move would leave him even more sorry. The choices were grim: He could stay in the marriage and be miserable, or he could be with the woman he loved and suffer the misery of toxic shame.
Confronting Jay about his cognitive/behavioral acceptance of the family beliefs proved fruitless; worry continued to plague him. It was apparent to me that Jay had been effectively induced into a negative trance state through years of overt and covert shaming, and his conscious mind was unavailable for such a direct interpretation. Trusting my intuition, I put myself briefly into a receptive psychic state. I knew this might be too far out for a guy steeped in conservative thinking, but I took a chance.
I suggested to Jay that if he lived in a village somewhere in some other culture where people believed in something like voodoo, it would probably make sense to say that he been hexed! As I said this, I was surprised to see changes in Jay’s fa- cial expression and posture. It appeared that Jay was more deeply focused, that his interest had been piqued, and maybe even his motivation. So, I decided to take this metaphor further. Since Jay was already confused by his circumstances, per-
haps some confusing recursions and confusion on the theme would get us somewhere.
“Hexes only work,” I told Jay, “if both the hex-er and hex-ee are in on it -- especially the hexee by believing that the hex-er has power to hex. To hex the hex- er, the hex-ee could then take back the power and un-hex the hex.”
At this point, Jay brightened and said that made perfect sense. I was impressed and thrilled! Then I validated Jay’s good sense in following along. I continued with the cognitive restructuring -- the idea that it was possible for Jay to un-hex himself. He became curious. I suggested he free himself from mistaken beliefs that because his marriage was not working out, he would be forever doomed to a life of failure.
At the end of the session, Jay affirmed how much he was learning about him- self. He reported feeling relief and said that he was going to give becoming un-
hexed further thought.
The last time we met, Jay was in the process of divorcing and had made plans to move, to live with a relative who would not judge him. He reported that he was ready to face his family because he had finally faced himself.
Commentary
By Eric Greenlead, PhD
Betty Freedson used her intuition and an interesting perspective that helped Jay makes a serious life decision. In her words: “When the inner transcending voice speaks the language of metaphor, the unconscious mind pays attention. Then, magic can happen.”
As Freud noted long ago, the unconscious is timeless territory, without contradiction, and literal in meaning. As if in a waking dream, Freedson leads Jay to an unconscious consideration of his “hex” and a possible “un-hexing.” How nice to be confused toward a state of emotional clarity by such a kind and intuitive guide.